101 Ways To Annoy Alice Cullen
by ManicImagination94
Summary: The title is pretty self-explanatory, but this is a list I made about how to annoy Alice Cullen :D Enjoy!
1. 1 to 15

Me: Okay, so, this is how you anger an iddy-piddy pixie -  
Alice: Growls  
Me: Sigh* Fine… An Alice.

Oh yeah! Before we start, I take absolutely no responsibility should you take this seriously and try to provoke Alice.

Tell her that her fashion sense sucks.

Make Bella hang around with a werewolf all day so she can't "see" her.

Tell her it was Jasper's idea.

Always plan to do stupid things.

When she gets annoyed with your stupid ideas, ask her how she knows what you were going to do.

When she tells you that she's psychic, don't believe her.

Tell her Emmett's affinity is way cooler.

Then point out that Emmett doesn't have an affinity.

Tell her that Jasper is secretly dating Mike.

Tell her that a leprechaun is taller than her.

Paint her room black.

Tell her, her hair looks like a hedgehog's.

Tell her that a drag queen has better make up than her.

Tell her that Jasper is going to go emo.

Tell her that there is an emo with a knife in front of Jasper.

**They're coming 15 at a time, in case you hadn't already noticed.  
You like?? Yarp? Narp?  
Review pretty please :D ….with chocolate on top?  
Fine! If you review I will give you both Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson!**


	2. 16 to 30

When she takes you shopping to buy new clothes, steal her cards and hold them above your head.

Wear the worst clothes imaginable and make sure they don't match.

Ask her what her least favourite song is and refuse to tell her why you're asking.

19. Change her mobile phone ring tone to that song.

Tell her that Jasper always looks depressed.

Ask her what she bought today and pretend to zone out of the very long conversation and when she is finished and expecting an answer say, "huh?"

When she asks why you were late ask her, "I didn't think I would need to tell you I would be late."

Jump out at her and ask if she got a fright.

Put on fangs and a cloak and declare in a Dracula voice that you "want to suck her blood".

Whenever you go near her, wear a necklace made of cloves of garlic.

Always wave a crucifix around her and yell "Be gone demon!"

When she has a really serious vision and goes all blank faced, tell her it's not naptime yet.

Tell her, her bum looks big.

When she gets annoyed at you simply say, "Bite me."

When she comes home looking worried ask her if she saw Bella jump off a cliff again and "drown".

**Hmmm how shall I threaten them to review?  
I won't… But I will beg…. PLEASE REVIEW! O.o**


	3. 31 to 45

Talk to her only in a Jamaican accent.

When it's sunny, ask her if she would like to go for a walk.

When she tells you she can't, say "Aw, too bad" and claim you're going to an outdoor foam party.

Point at her head and look horrified and claim you can see a grey hair.

Look at her face and say you think you can see a wrinkle.

When she freaks out about the wrinkle or grey hair, say, "Oh. Just a trick of the light."

Tell her some sun would be great for her complexion.

Shave off her eyebrows

When she screams and says that they will never grow back, giggle and say "I know."

Then ask how she didn't see it coming.

Tell her that Jasper thinks Cat Woman is sexier than her.

Ask her how it was in the loony bin.

Spray her with holy water.

Stare at her with narrowed eyes and when she asks what you're doing just say "are you hungry?"

Tell her she looks like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards.

**Having fun? Let me know by pushing that button! Go on! I dare ya!  
Those of you who don't, your favourite Twilight character frowns upon you… :D  
**


	4. 46 to 60

Tell her that if she were a little shorter, she would legally be a midget.

Decide to go to the mall and bet £20 **(A/N: $20?)** that you're going to go to the park, when she puts her money down, change your decision and go to the park.

Get her arrested and make sure no one bails her out until the last minute

When she knocks on your door, answer it and shut it without saying anything, when she knocks again, tell her "Sorry, I didn't see you there!"

Tell her that Jasper was hitting on you before.

When she has a vision, ask her if it's her "spidey senses" tingling.

Use her Porsche in a monster truck rally.

Spray Jasper with women's perfume and gasp and say "Oh my God! Have you been cheating on Alice?!"

Dress up in robes with a crystal ball for a dress up party, when people ask you who you are tell them you're Alice.

Ask her why she has no friends.

When she says she has Bella say "Wow…one."

Steal all of her left/right shoes.

Hide all of the left/right shoes just over the treaty line.

Ask who wears the 'pants' in her relationship with Jasper.

Try to stab her through the heart with a stake.

**Sorry it took so long to update, long story short: I had a disagreement with my laptop and I won… **

**You know what to do ;)**


	5. 61 to 75

Ask if she is overcompensating for something with that Porsche.

When she denies, sing, "That's not what Jasper said".

Wear plastic fangs around her at all times.

Ask her if she knew she was a mythical creature.

Brag about how you can dream and she can't.

Tell her she should eat more fruit and vegetables.

"Accidentally" leave a red sock in the wash with her clothes.

Tell Carlisle she's anorexic.

Hiss her name (* loud whisper* Alissssssssss) all of the time.

Tell her that only old people can tell the future.

Tell her to prove that she can see the future.

Cancel every single one of her credit cards and tell her Emmett did it as a joke.

Remind her that to everybody else, her relationship with Jasper is as good as incest.

Brag how good being human is… and then apologize mid sentence and remind her that she can't remember being human and never will be one again.

Tell her that being a sparkling vampire isn't exactly intimidating.

**The sooner you review the sooner you'll get more ;)**


	6. 76 to 90

Steal her Porsche's car keys.

Graffiti "Werewolves Rule" on her car.

Tell Jasper about Alice's secret crush on Jacob Black.

Tell her she is the only non-graceful non-pretty vampire in existence.

Hand out her mobile number telling everyone that she is a free psychic hotline.

Hug her and jump back immediately and complain about how cold she is.

Tell Carlisle you're afraid she's anorexic (get Carlisle to play along ;P)

When she asks, tell her yes, she does look fat.

Throw an egg on her head and ask her if she saw it coming.

Ask her how much debt she's in.

Keep telling her that Dracula type vampires are way cooler.

Repeat her name even when she answers

When she gets annoyed at 85, beg her not to bite you.

Ask her why she doesn't become a psychic in a tent.

Give Jacob Black her credit cards.

Sorry it took so long to update :( Almost over guys :( *sniffs *

**I'm sure gonna miss Alice's fury**

**You know what I'm gonna ask don't you ;) Review!**


	7. 91 to 101

Snap the heels on her shoes.

Sign her up for a game of chess with Edward.

Tell her she really needs to get some Vitamin D.

Trash the Cullen's outfits.

Give her gift cards… with no money on them.

Insist that Tarot cards are more reliable than her.

Give her a crystal ball for Christmas and tell her it will improve her fortune telling.

Take Jacob's mobile phone and text her saying "So when are we gonna hook up again babe?"

When she is out with Jasper, pay a kid to jump out at Jasper and say "Oh my God! Last night was so fun! When should we do it again?"

Paint all of her clothes.

Take her to a theme park and take her to a ride that she is too short for.

Well that's all. Hope you enjoyed it all :D 


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